I had a conversation with a friend tonight. With Tworivers, to be exact.
That might not sound like a big deal to you but, Believe You Me, conversations with friends are Few and Far Between these days, seeing as I’m at work All Day and then busy with children until they go to bed and then either doing school work or falling asleep until bedtime.
In fact, Lynne called this evening when she had six minutes to spare, and I didn’t get to talk with her, as I was getting Emma Grace from the bathtub and drying Emma Grace’s hair and reading Emma Grace a story so that she would be All Tucked In as close to 8 p.m. as possible.
But I did get to talk with Tworivers this evening, and that was Nice. Never mind the fact that, as I was talking, I was changing sheets on the bunkbeds and restacking books in their bookcase and jamming costume things back into their costume box. I was having a conversation with a friend, and that was Nice.
And I was sharing with her things about my life. Yes, I was. I was being friendly, and giving her News and asking her about things and, yes, telling her things.
Suddenly she paused, and then she said, “I can tell you’ve been spending a lot of time with high school students.”
And I thought, Why yes, yes I have.
And I thought, Of course Tworivers knows this.
And I thought, Oh dear, this Means something.
And I thought, What Does This Mean?
“Whatever do you mean?” I asked her.
“I can just tell you’ve been spending time with high school students. You’re not talking to me like you usually do.”
“How do I usually talk to you?”
“You’re not being your usual, erudite self,” she said, mildly. And yes, she did say it mildly, though it did not fall on my hearing in a mild sort of way. It was not mild to my hearing. No.
“How am I being?” I wanted to know.
But here she failed me, as Other People in relating Other Conversation so often do (and this is a Real Trial I have, believe you me. But not everyone is a writer, I suppose, and so not everyone Pays Attention to Detail or, if she pays attention to detail, not everyone is Able To Relate It, and I find this Very Trying). She was unable to identify exactly how it was that my conversation had changed. She could not pinpoint the alteration. But she did, indeed, say that I sounded like I was spending a lot of time with high school students, and that I did not sound like, and I quote, my normal, “erudite” self.
Yikes.
How, I ask you, is one supposed to correct such waywardness if the problem itself cannot be identified but is, rather, Vaguely Described?
I cannot quit my job. No. I can’t.
Furthermore, I won’t.
I will say, in my own defense, that I Very Frequently use words my students do not understand, at which point I must needs define them for them.
I will add, furthermore, that I have been complimented on More Than One Occasion for the clarity, sophistication, and eloquence of my speech, and this has occurred since and even while I have been spending the majority of my time with high school students.
And I will additionally add that, just recently, I have added the words jejune and chary to my vocabulary, and I told Tworivers this, and She Had To Look Them Up.
So there.
I guess “so there” is a rather childish thing to say, isn’t it?
But now something else is occurring to me. Tworivers might have a Vested Interest in sparking within me such insecurity and fear. She might have a Keen Desire to get me to think that I need to spend More Time with adults: We are all invited (all the members of the 66 Dogs Book Club) to spend a weekend away together in the middle of May– just the book club members. And today I told Tworivers that I didn’t think this outing was going to work for me and my schedule. So now I’m thinking that Tworivers wants me to be on this outing and wants me to think that a little protracted adult conversation is Just The Thing I Need.
Clever.
Or maybe my speech hasn’t changed much at all. Maybe tonight, after I taught for several hours and rehearsed a play and spent several more hours grading papers and writing lesson plans and made dinner and did laundry and bathed a child and changed sheets and did laundry…. Maybe after all that, I was just a Little Tired.
I hope that’s it.
