If I don’t have something that I Absolutely Must Do the minute I get up, so that all my thoughts are bent on that thing– if I don’t have that, then my brain is almost immediately Besieged on waking. Does this happen to you? When I wake up my brain is a newly dug hole on the beach, swept clean. The sunlight floods it inasmuch as the walls will allow; it glistens off the tiny bits of exposed shell. But as soon as my eyes adjust to being open, perhaps even Before, the tide comes in. Water and sand pour over the edges and it all goes to mud.
Truly, it’s as though my mind is under seige, flooded with Every Conceivable Detail of my life. What is the current status of the laundry? Today is Absolutely The Day to clean the bathrooms. Does Bill have an ironed shirt to wear? Oh, I have Tons of ironing. Today is Absolutely The Day to iron. And also to clean the kitchen floor. I need to remember to call Kristen; I really want to bring her a meal. I need to e-mail John with my new address. William will need to finish exercise 38 in his math book today. We’ll have scrambled eggs for breakfast. We are out of cheese. I haven’t checked my Duke e-mail in Forever; this will be disastrous. I need to buy stamps so that I can send that check that I wrote two weeks ago and that has been languishing in the addressed envelope on my desk Ever Since. How embarrassing. Today is Absolutely The Day to buy stamps.
There are Other Things too, of course. Today it was the fact that Bill had a hard time sleeping last night: he didn’t come to bed until after 4 a.m. And so, crowded around the ironing pile in my brain are Concerns For Bill. How will he be able to work today? He’s got to be exhausted. And all the things that occupy him and preoccupy his mind drift vaguely into mine. My head is a knot of worry wrapped in a To-Do list.
This morning I decided not to endure it, and I went for a walk.
It was already hot out there, and the locusts were already singing about it. The sun was well up, but the path was shady in most places. I put on a hat and the iPod and, like any sensible person, listened to a little U2.
One day you will look…back And you’ll see…where You were held…how By this love…while You could stand…there You could move on this moment Follow this feeling It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright She moves in mysterious ways It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright We move through miracle days Spirit moves in mysterious ways She moves with it Lift my days, light up my nights
“Mysterious Ways” has a really great rhythm for walking. Really Great. And a bass line that moves me. Oh my yes. And so does “Elevation.”
Higher now In the sky You make me feel like I can fly So high Elevation Love Lift me out of these blues Won’t you tell me something true I believe in you
I looked up, away from my feet for a change, and noted that we are dead-on in summer. Everything was so green; the trees were heavy with leaves and a light breeze pulled at their pale undersides. The path was shady, but ahead of me there was a patch of lawn in full sun, a riotous green.
It was a beautiful day Don’t let it get away Beautiful day Touch me Take me to that other place Reach me I know I’m not a hopeless case What you don’t have you don’t need it now What you don’t know you can feel it somehow What you don’t have you don’t need it now Don’t need it now Was a beautiful day
I was breathless when I got home and drenched with sweat. My children, still looking a little smudgy from sleep, ran to greet me and got damp hugs for their effort. I took off my hat and the iPod and decided we’d have French toast, not eggs, for breakfast. Ah, air conditioning and a cool shower, my husband’s cheerful grin. A beautiful day.
That is why the real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.
– C. S. Lewis
