Today is what might be called a Hopeful Day. It is, after all, the first day of a new week, a new month, and a new year. I was glad when I woke up—glad for a new beginning. I fixed my vacuum yesterday, got a good night’s sleep last night, and went for a walk this morning. Could things be better? Outside the air was fresh and the trees were waiting, stripped of their leaves. The press of last semester is fully behind me, and the Christmas crush.
I love January. I love taking down the Christmas decorations and the sparse clean space they leave behind. I love the architecture of the trees, the (nearly) empty calendar, the expanding possibility. I think of the words of old friend Anne Shirley, who spoke with joy of a new day with “no mistakes in it yet.”
Yes, all of this newness makes my latent idealism come flooding to the surface; I can’t help but think of what could happen. With a little effort, a little discipline—why, I could really make some changes. I have vast room for improvement; what’s wrong with trying a little harder? Of course, my friend Stephen says resolutions are dumb, and I maybe I should heed him, as he is wise. But I can’t help myself. Remember what I said about the idealism?
So here are a few of my resolutions:
So. That’s only ten.
And I Really Mean Them.
I realize there are problems with some of these. #3 has been a resolution for, oh, the past ten years or so. I try—I really do—with the birthday card thing. Generally I do all right for the first part of January, and sometimes longer. Often I get to April without missing anyone. But things get a bit hairy in April, because Bill comes from a large family, one that is only getting larger. And it seems that, starting at the end of January, someone somewhere is having a birthday every few weeks. Generally I’m getting winded by mid-March, have missed a few in April, and am Overwhelmed by May. And May, of course, includes Mother’s Day. Between us, Bill and I have three and a half mothers. You see the problem.
I also have a chronic problem with #7. Reading through the Bible is a Really Good Idea, but the Bible–have you noticed?—includes the book of Numbers. Numbers is not a very interesting book. Not gripping. No. I always get bogged down in that book and, eventually, I Give Up. If you have any coping mechanisms for the reading of Numbers, please let me know. Please help me understand the value, because my honest opinion is that it is dull and difficult, and that there probably shouldn’t even be a book called Numbers.
It’s only the first of January, but I’ve had problems with some of the others already. #5, for example. I thought about #5 only just this morning, as I was rifling through Everett’s underwear drawer, looking for a clean undershirt that he could wear to church. I should have laid their clothes out last night or, better yet, had the children lay out their own clothes (Oh! See! Infraction of #9!), but last night was New Year’s Eve, and I had Other Things on my mind. I didn’t Plan Ahead.
And then we were late to church, which is a failure with #6. And the pity of it is that we didn’t have to be at church until 11, which is a full hour and a half after we normally have to be at church. Still, I didn’t pull it off: there’s a trade-off, I guess, for a good night’s sleep and a morning walk. But I hate to be late, and church was crowded, and we had to sit way at the back. I hate sitting at the back, and I thought to myself more than once that it wouldn’t have happened if I had only been On Time.
But I didn’t have time to be discouraged, not yet. Grace came before the sermon, in these words of an old hymn:
Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O, take and seal it; seal it for thy courts above.
A good and sweet reminder, that, of what matters.
I think I’d like, in 2006, to mostly get better at #’s 1 & 2. And I’d like, in 2006, to become more convinced of His love for me.
“Because of the Lord’s great love for us, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23.
