I was Incredulous. That already it was Tuesday morning, with the Easter break over. That already it was 5:14. Now 5:45. Time to get up.
I was Mother. Warming the oatmeal, pouring the orange juice, parceling out the vitamins. Calling the children to breakfast.
I was Late. Muttering at the red light. At the driver who applies the brakes En Route To The Green Light. At myself for my impatience.
I was Glad. Glad to see my students. My colleagues. My classroom again.
I was Enabler. Opening to my students the wonders of the Petrarchan sonnet. John Keats, Cortez, Balboa. And how all of this (all of this? Yes!) relates to the Renaissance.
I was Profoundly Discouraged. It’s due when? And I have what else to grade? And you’re going out of town so that you need assignments for how long? And I wrote that? I think sometimes that I am Not Even Remotely Equipped to do what I do.
I was Director. First we’ll do this one-act, and then this one. Not interrupting the play, scribbling notes in purple ink. Laughing (and laughing) and mistakes and also emerging dramatic brilliance. A week and a half until our performance? We’ll be Fine. I promise.
I was Pizza server. One of several. Parceling out pizza slices at our hot-lunch duty. Two slices of cheese. One. Three. I bailed on my brought-from-home lunch and stole some quiet conversation with a colleague in the faculty workroom. Dr. Pepper. Yum.
I was Teacher. Again. For two hours straight. Laughing again and more expository something on the sonnet form and Keats. Dominant attitudes behind Renaissance thought. For tomorrow write this and also (please also) bring your old papers to class. I’m going to talk with you about transitions.
I was Lost. In the mound of papers on my desk. In the plans I have for this week and the next and the next. In the texts that show me how I might (oh, I might) do this better next time.
I was Coach. Yes, I think that might be a good way to approach your paper. Yes, definitely. Well, I think you should consider each option but choose the one you like the best, absolutely. You can’t go wrong. No, I don’t believe you can.
I was Encouraged. An impromptu, thirty-minute-plus meeting with my boss and suddenly I think that maybe I do, in fact, have something to offer here.
I was Late. Again. To get my children. The umbrella was a Necessary Item this afternoon.
I was Delighted. To find Will Absolutely Drenched. He and some others did belly-slides in the soft lawn in the rain. What a glorious thing– isn’t it?– to be That Boy.
I was Busy. Listening to Emma read. Making a spinach salad. Warming leftovers for dinner.
I was Momma. Dancing my girl around the kitchen. Kissing her so soft cheek. Listening: “I love it when you hold me like this, Momma.”
I was More Busy. Sitting quietly at the kitchen table, grading, grading, grading. Trying to make a dent in this pile that (somehow) escaped my attention over this long weekend.
I was Sad. Fatigue does that to me. Every discouragement of the day comes back. I didn’t go to class because There Is Too Much To Do. Will’s wet wet clothes heaped in the laundry hamper. Everett’s pajamas (didn’t you only wear them one night?) in the laundry basket. No time to read to Emma. And once again (oh, once again) Nothing To Write. And no time (No Time Tonight) to just talk with Bill.
How can it be (can it possibly be?) that I am the Same Person who got out of That Bed This Very Morning?
And then This:
In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. Like clothing you will change them and they will be discarded. But you remain the same, and your years will never end. The children of your servants will live in your presence; their descendants will be established before you. Psalm 102:25-28
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews13:8
